Jumping Off the Boyfriend Cliff

Having a boyfriend again is weird. I mean, it's awesome, but it's weird. The fears and worries and insecurities that I haven't had to deal with in years are now back full-force and it's not a feeling I enjoy.

I'm working harder than ever, of course, to assuage them and heal them so that they don't continue to crop up. But it's surprising how intense the feelings are all of a sudden again. It's like there's a switch inside me somewhere that is flipped the moment I open my heart to someone and give them the power to hurt me.

It's an amazing thing, really, how life, your perspective, and your feelings can change so quickly when you decide to let someone in. I have been pushing people away for so long now that I forgot what it was like not to. I kind of even forgot how to do anything else, making every day feel like a small victory every time I succeed in playing the girlfriend role again. I guess it helps to know that I'm not the only one needing to readjust. He's jumped off the cliff with me and is wonderful about all my little quirks and broken pieces, and shares his with me too.

The point of my little babble-fest? Letting go of the fear and giving into trust is not an easy thing, but for the first time in a very long time, I want to do it....